I stare longingly into the coffee pot, hoping my gaze will somehow accelerate the brewing. I have given up my attempt to abstain from caffeine today. I only made it three hours.
In three hours I have: fed my baby, made/fed breakfast with for the toddler, made/fed breakfast for myself, got the baby dressed, got the toddler dressed, got the baby back to sleep, pumped, read 3 books to the toddler, searched for multiple pacifiers, searched for the remote, washed a couple of bottles, changed 6 diapers, tried to have the toddler “go potty” three times (why are we trying potty training? this is way too much work), played in blanket forts in the guest room bed (honestly I let her play and I closed my eyes for 5 minutes and let her climb on me), had the toddler make me breakfast at least 20 times in the play kitchen, brushed the toddlers teeth, sucked snot out of the baby’s nose, rinsed out the toddlers nose 3 times, and now I’m making coffee.
I never even really liked coffee until the second baby. With my first I rarely used my coffee pot. Now I live on it. This entire pot will get drank today- soon, and I will finally be able to clean.
Mom-ing is hard. Much harder than I ever expected. The first child I had my struggles with but we were generally on the same page. The second is only 20 months apart from the first. This wasn’t exactly planned this way- I wasn’t trying to turn grey before 30, but you know it is what it is and I love them both. I am lucky because the second is a very sleepy baby. She sleeps through everything. We have to wake her in the morning and at night to eat. I envy this and am thankful it.
She does have a keen sense for when I get the older one down for a nap, and I hope to maybe lay down a sneak a 20 minute nap in. That is when she decides it’s time wake up and play. Some days I can get a long nap from the big one and shorten the playtime with the small one and still get a 10 minute nap. Most times we play, eat, and then she gets strapped into the carrier and we attempt to pick up all the stuff her sister and thrown about the house. We are usually able to wash at least enough bottles (and pump pieces) to last until dad comes home, and I start dinner (in a crockpot)- or at least the prep work so dinner just has to be thrown on a few minutes before Daddy gets home.
These are all the things that typically happen before noon (or 1). If you were to tell this would be my life 3 years ago I would laugh at you. I was waking up at 1. I was day drinking and brunching at 1. I was having morning sex at 1. There was no way in hell I would have a list of things done before 1.
Some days I miss the old times. Where I had a real expendable income. Where I could fit into anything without trying it on. Where I was always showered, my hair was always brushed, and my clothes didn’t have spit-up or boogers on them. Where even when I was my most tired I was still rested. But then my daughter wakes up from nap and squeals an excited “Mommy! Hug!” and all of this has been worth it.